Boy howdy, how am I ever going to hold a stoop sale if I can’t bring myself to throw anything away? On the other hand, if the flotsam and jetsam piling up here in my kitchen sink can help just one — okay for the sake of grammatical consistency, two — readers avoid the week-old scorched popcorn pans awaiting dealing with in theirs, these pack rat tendencies have served their purpose.

If it doesn’t fit anywhere else on the site, it’ll probably wind up here, and then some.

Essays & Commentary Published Elsewhere

  • If you, unlike the reviewer for Library Journal (“Perhaps Halliday considers immature behavior, ignorance, and irresponsibility funny, but, in the words of Queen Victoria, ‘We are not amused’ “) enjoy reading about my travels, you’re going to love reading about me reading while traveling in this feverish essay for Powell’s Books.
  • Here’s my NPR Commentary on addiction to fractured English translations from the Far East.
  • Both my Tony-snatching consort Greg Kotis and I appeared on WBEZ’s program Eight Forty-Eight when we came through Chicago in December of 2003. You can find both clips in Eight Forty-Eight’s December 2003 archive.
    • Scroll down to the December 11, 2003 show for my interview, in which I discuss and read from No Touch Monkey!
    • Scroll down to the December 16, 2003 show for the Urinetown segment featuring Greg Kotis.

(Originally posted April 2004)

And now for something completely different …


Webmaster Dave created a monster when he taught me how to check my Web site stats — especially the “search queries” (the stuff people around the world type into search engines that subsequently lead them to this site). I’ve spent the last couple of months compiling the choicest phrases that have led some unlikely visitors to visit Inky’s Rumpus Room, which is what we call this site when we don’t want to be so damn titular. Sorry, make that big naked lactating titular in the toilet. That ought to net me some more visitors and I hope they all swing by the bookstore to pick up a copy of The Big Rumpus or No Touch Monkey!

Without further ado, please blindfold your small children and enter my online statistics course catalogue. All phrases are guaranteed verbatim from the “search queries” section of my Web stats report. Scroll down to the virtual coccyx for this year’s scholarship award recipient.

Dept of Female Anatomy

Pictures of big breasts during the gives birth

Lactating big breasted woman

Big natural breasts

Can a hermaphrodite have children

Demonstration inserting tampon video

Dept. of Male Anatomy

How to circumcise a big boys penis

Eggplant deformity penis

Bite his penis

Cute little circumcised

Big jewish penis

Big penis problem

Religious Studies

Naked sadhus

Hairless sadhus

Atheist jews

Brahmin fuck

Graduate Level Primates

Monkey lust café
Monkey reading book

Ganja monkey

Monkey photo to look at

Primates monkeys why they are funny

Monkey slap a cow

Non-Simian Zoology

Big cat penis

Doberman chopping block

Jambo penis

Romance Studies

Took his penis her hand circumcise

Saigon prostitute photograph

Couples in bathroom bed toilet naked photos

Big breastfeeding boyfriends

Parenting Seminar

Embarrassing barfing stories

My son likes to show of his penis at school

What is the special christian name for a new born baby

Culinary Institute

Tapioca pearl breastfeeding

Mint molds adult

Interdisciplinary Internship

Breast feeding monkey in India

Advanced Heinieology

Heinie hole

Heinie wine

Spanking drama

Free online heinie movies

Embarrassing diarrhea stories

Continuing Underwater Basket Weaving

Amish cubby holes

Ayun Halliday All Time Favorite Ongoing Scholarship Award Recipient

i got cot fucking the dog